CORA'S

5 easy steps How to make two 4.75 early bird breakfast specials become a partially eaten, 17.99 breakfast special at Cora's.

Early bird specials are synonymous with a reduced price menu, thereby offering the customer some sense of value as an incentive for their patronage. This morning, we bypassed our usual morning rush coffee joint to try out the early bird breakfast special at Cora's. With great interest we observed how two 4.75 early bird breakfast specials transformed into a partially eaten 17.99 breakfast special. Cora's did it with such talent, that they should publish a 5-step how to guide for other restaurants who have in fact developed allergies to early birds, specials in general, and want to offer a green hypoallergenic breakfast experience. How trendy of them.

The 5-step plan, based on our experience, would go something like this

1) Order two breakfast specials.

2) Ensure no laws of physics are broken in breakfast special pricing. When the vegetarian of the duo asks for no meat on their breakfast special, charge them more, and don't tell us that youre charging more. Yes! Do that. When the identical breakfast special plates show up, except one is just missing a dollop of meat on top, it all makes sense, because everybody knows that bacon is a black hole that gravitationally reduces the commodity value of all other food stuff it happens to touch on the plate. Therefore, by Newtons laws as discovered hundreds of years ago, less food SHOULD cost more.

3) Slip in the onion. Ask me if I want onions in the home fries, and don't tell
me that it's really not part of the breakfast special. Charge me 2.30 for that topping of onion, because boy's dont cry.

4) Hire AIG executives to create an investment portfolio that maximizes revenue via breakfast beverage mark-up strategies. Pretend I wont notice and will be thrilled at the result of my breakfast special liquidating itself, requiring a bailout from my girlfriends wallet. When asking for our beverage choice with the breakfast special, don't mention that choosing tea means choosing to pay an extra 1.95. I will ignore the fact that the little sachet of red rose tea is not packaged for individual sale, is worth exactly 12 cents, and I can almost see the box it came from, from the grocery store across the street. Yes. I will ignore the fact that the red rose sachet has been market up 16 times, in effect making the cup of tea cost 40% of the price of the actual breakfast special. Where's my bonus, beeyatches?

5) Recycle your potato wedges, and pretend youre running the dry cleaner across the road and running out of starch. Don't bother cutting up those potatoes fresh. That would just make them taste good, and make them messy for other potato applications. Instead, use last nights potatoes, and then cook them some more this morning for that overcooked, dry, un-pliable, crumbly texture. Seasoning? Forget that too, because nothing beats the taste of pure 100% starch. I can iron my white shirts shirt with a hot potato wedge from Cora's, AIG executive style. And while youre at it, don't fully caramelize the onions that got paid for and cooked separately, then got dumped on top of the potatoes. If you used any brown sugar, then thank you for respecting the fact that I didn't want to taste it.

Well, all that was close to 15.99. We tipped the waitress...having to dish out those breakfast specials cant be helping out what she made that shift...

pasta

The service was exceptional and the manager quite pleasant. The kids loved Kiwi (great sense of humour) Thank you, we will be returning.